Frustrations

You see, I've been home from my mission now almost 10 months, and while I was out there, i thought, how can the girls not want me? I'm a good missionary, and I'm doing everything right. But that's not what i'm getting here at BYU. I'm sick and tired of the same old story. "Sean, you're a great guy, but I'm just not attracted to you." What do you mean you're just not attracted to me?! I just don't understand how this chemistry thing works for girls...you're fun to be around, WE had a good time, (I'd like to think that ) I'm fun to be around, what's there not to go for? I'm really starting to get tired of the whole mormon system of dating. It's a load. Seriously, I go out on three dates a week (sometimes two) and I don't spend too much money, but it adds up, you know? Girls have got such a great life...their weekend activities are planned and paid for - all they have to do is show up ready to have a good time. So anyway, they say this whole not attracted thing - that's fine - the first 1000 times. Now I'm getting a little frustrated - if you can't tell - I mean, serious. I want some friends! I don't want people who I go to church with, talk to them while we're out, and then don't see or talk to the rest of the week, much less feel uncomfortable calling them just to say hi!

Now, granted, I know thats a freaking long paragraph and might be hard to get through, but bear with me here. I think I'm almost done; I understand that my problem is that I'm too easily satisfied, my standards for entertainment with a girl are pretty low. If I asked you out, then I'm going to have a good time - i can think of only two or three times where i didn't have fun on a date that I planned. The other problem I have is that I try too hard so much so that I'm not myself. I think that's what's even more frustrating is that on the dates where I am myself - the girls still aren't "attracted" to me. If I was trying to be someone else in order to impress, ok, I understand. Otherwise, there's no excuse. I think it all comes down to the fact that I care too much. So if I stop caring, I mean, really stop caring, then life will be alot easier, and everything will happen for me.

As we say in Portuguese, boa sorte para voce.